Heavy heart vs Brave heart

I like the famous music score from the movie 'Braveheart'. It makes me cry..all the time..

Today's just like yesterday...not dandy.. I'm supposed to go look for my purple velvet stilettos to be worn for the convo. Gonna get on the bus tomorrow to go to uni to collect my robe and what not. I hope they've washed the robe nicely in case it smelt like old sour sweat.

I am still waiting for PWC to call me. Wait waiting waititi wait. I could sing a song while waiting. Patience really running out. When I'm gonna break down, I don't know. What I know it, I don't wanna work at UTAR. It sucks!!!! Who wants to be a stupid tutor so a bunch of kids? i wanna work in an international big giant jumbo firm. And stay and live nice n happy. I wanna mae myself happy so bad!! SO So bad!! But they won't let me.
I don't wanna cry coz they won't let me. Coz im a big girl. They should be letting me almost anything. Coz I'm a big girl, and I'm 23..... I wanna grow up.. I've made my own shit... let others clean it up for me...And now I'm tryin not to make more shit, and if i ever did, I want a chance to clean it up myself. I wanna be juz like Ne-yo's Miss Independant. Is that so hard to grant?

I am full...so full to the brim with anxiety and frustration. I try to control it. I try to smile. But i cannot try to be happy, coz it's a thing where you either are or not. No drama or no play acts in front of people. I cry so easily these days. Self-pity? Sometimes I really feel it's regret.

I'm still young. God's on my side. I know. I talk to Him now and then. I feel so insane, but I'm not. Wish I was. Good reason to escape somewhere. Okay. bye for now....