Hair spray!!

I juz got sum onto my hair. The lady did my hair in 20 mins. Okay maybe half an hour. Hope it stays that way till Saturday.

Some people in my life are like hairspray. They are icky, sticky, yucky and they come in at the last minute, but they sure do hold it together for me in the end. Talk about hard hold.

So I'm like walking in a place full of hair spray. So misty... I'm teary eyed coz it burns... Toxic... Waiting for th eplace to clear up.. Then I can see the road ahead. Transition point. make it or break it. Fight or flight. No, not flight. Sink or swim. I'll swim, even though I only attended my swimming lessons half way.

Growing up is so under defined that it kills me. Why can't they write a growing up manual? Coz nobody can ever do that. I have a dad whose names has a Maria in it, and you definately don't. And that makes us different already, and our dads don't give us the same advice. That's juz the tip of the ice berg.

Chocolate milk makes me happy. I juz had one. Yay yummy yay yay

Heavy heart vs Brave heart

I like the famous music score from the movie 'Braveheart'. It makes me cry..all the time..

Today's just like yesterday...not dandy.. I'm supposed to go look for my purple velvet stilettos to be worn for the convo. Gonna get on the bus tomorrow to go to uni to collect my robe and what not. I hope they've washed the robe nicely in case it smelt like old sour sweat.

I am still waiting for PWC to call me. Wait waiting waititi wait. I could sing a song while waiting. Patience really running out. When I'm gonna break down, I don't know. What I know it, I don't wanna work at UTAR. It sucks!!!! Who wants to be a stupid tutor so a bunch of kids? i wanna work in an international big giant jumbo firm. And stay and live nice n happy. I wanna mae myself happy so bad!! SO So bad!! But they won't let me.
I don't wanna cry coz they won't let me. Coz im a big girl. They should be letting me almost anything. Coz I'm a big girl, and I'm 23..... I wanna grow up.. I've made my own shit... let others clean it up for me...And now I'm tryin not to make more shit, and if i ever did, I want a chance to clean it up myself. I wanna be juz like Ne-yo's Miss Independant. Is that so hard to grant?

I am full...so full to the brim with anxiety and frustration. I try to control it. I try to smile. But i cannot try to be happy, coz it's a thing where you either are or not. No drama or no play acts in front of people. I cry so easily these days. Self-pity? Sometimes I really feel it's regret.

I'm still young. God's on my side. I know. I talk to Him now and then. I feel so insane, but I'm not. Wish I was. Good reason to escape somewhere. Okay. bye for now....

For those of you...

For those of you who struggle every day to smile, to be happy, do this simple exercise... Right now, close your eyes, empty your head, and notice your breathing. Feel it. The air going in, and coming out.. feel your lungs expanding..each bronchiole expanding with O2.. Your rib cage moving forward & upwards.. And how your blood feeds off the O2....

Now... i always ask myself of recent... why be stressed? Coz there's so many reasons to be, right? Wrong!!! We're relatively dust particles compared to the gazillions of galaxies out there in outter space... yet we still believe in God and have faith..Why should He care about a 'dust particle'? Coz we unique people... We are here to LIVE.... not to kill ourselves slowly with stress. Stress kills people faster than any terminal illness. i know it's easy to say.. But I have been reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.. Changes in me? I do stress out but after that I come to my senses. I realise what a schmuck I've been, worryin like hell. I recommend you to read it, or even give it as a gift for your loved ones. IT IS FANTASTICO!

My convo's this Sat. I don't feel too excited. Juz a degree. I want my pHD!! Whoa horsie, not so fast... I tell myself. =) So here we are rushing and racing to gain riches. We all wanna be rich. Coz money changes things. But what money can't change, is thoughts, words, intentions, feelings and of course death. if it's coming at ya, it's coming to get ya!

We wait and wait for beter days to arrive. I always do that. Stupidest habit!! What is better than now? Coz we don't know if we will be living & kickin tomorrow braw'!
So? Plant a tree and recycle. Anyone wants an extra Xmas tree? I have an old one to give away...plastic by the way..... Cheers~